A Fairy Tale

Once Upon A Time, there lived a beautiful princess. Ok she wasn't actually a princess, but her parents deemed her one, not because of her beauty, but because she brought so much love and joy into their lives. She was the essence of what a little girls should be. She was sweet, loving, kind, loved animals, and had a sense of spunk to her, which always got her into situations that were funny and entertaining in the end. 
Life wasn't always easy for the princess, her parents or her older brother there were many battles that had to be won in order to continue on, but the little family in the kingdom fought together and carried on. The king and queen loved the prince and princess so much so that they would give up anything for them, and often times, they themselves went without. The prince and princess had the best of food, health care, good clothing, shoes, you name it. They always had everything they needed, they didn't always get what they wanted, but they never went without for the things they needed. 
The king often times would slave at a job that he hated, so the queen could stay and take care of the children and give them the best of everything. You see the prince and princess had a lot of things that they themselves had to deal with, between food allergies that were extremely debilitating, to disabilities  and so many things in between  Despite all of that the little family carried on, happy in their own little world, loving each other and caring about each other. 
Time went on, the family move different places, the children tried different schools. Every time a place for whatever reason would not work, like a home, or a school for both of the children, the king and queen would step back and figure out how to improve the lives of their children. But the king and queen did more then just fix things and comfort when things were horribly bad, they were always there for them, the good times, and the bad. 
The family laughed together, cried, fought for the others, and all of them were proud that they were linked. No one in the family was anything less than deserving to be in their little kingdom. 
The king and queen grew old as their children grew up, and as the current economy tanked, and they were not where they would of been if they had not had their children financially  often times as their children achieved milestones such as graduating college, or becoming who they were supposed to be, the parents grew more and more proud of the prince and princess. 
The prince meet a wonderful maiden  and feel madly in love with her. The two of them married and lived happily ever after. 
Although the princess was slower then the prince with finishing things, there was nothing but love and respect from all for the princess for all the good that she did and all that she achieved when she had such difficulties in the beginning. 
She truly was a princess beloved by all, and sure she made mistakes and messed up, but in the end she knew that she was loved and wanted always. The parents that she had received in the end only looked up at pride at her, not just because of all that she had accomplished, but who she had become. The princess had to give most of the credit to the family she had growing up, and the family and friends that have always backed her to give her strength to get through anything and make her strong. 
The princess would wade through whatever storms that would come her way, and in the end the princess would be happy because she knew that the most important part of her life would always exist  and that would be love. Love from family and friends, deep love that she deserved because of who she was, and how she treated people, and it wouldn't matter what others thought because in the end she would know where and who she was. The people that knew and loved her would always be with her forever. 

Life , an update

It's hard to believe that a year has passed since I last blogged, and truth is it has nothing to do with the lack of followers. Maybe in the beginning, but I feel the need to write.... To write for me and where my life is going. To look back and see all the changes since last May is insane. 
I thought things would be one way, but its funny how when you think something that is supposed to happen doesn't and instead you're left with this even more magical surprise. 
So I've had a job for over six months, that I never thought in a million years that I could do, and for the most part I can, but I'm growing weary of it. Maybe its the lack of security surrounding it, or maybe I'm ready for yet another adventure. I worked through Christmas  I could say my opinions about the job, but I won't. I think it says enough that I'm ready for something more.
I turned twenty five and that I guess triggered the rest of everything needing to be different. I mean I'm actually engaged to my best friend, whom a year ago I never thought I would of dated. I thought that oh it's just my sister. Funny how that all turns out, but maybe in a way, not putting any pressure on a relationship  and letting it be whatever it's going to be in its own time, is the important  part. Without pressure, without expectations  without anything, but enjoying the moment.  So I could go into the details on how it occurred but that's another story, but I'm sure in the moments to come, everyone will hear it. 
The wedding won't be for awhile since we need to get an apartment first ,so we're thinking July 11, 2015. And we also know how long it will take me to find whatever I want, and figure it out. 
So that's it all in a nutshell, and maybe I don't have any many opinions as I used to, but I have dreams, and plans, which make a difference. I'm also taking a test for a permit next week, 

Summer and Nudity.

So as summer draws closer there's three things that seem to come to my mind. The first being what the hell happens to my hair? It's like I develop a large Afro, and I'm white, and the Jewish part of me is so small that I don't think it counts. So I'm stuck with large amount of hair that always seems to be frizzy, and thick. Plans on this summer hair is staying in a pony tale if I don't hack it all off at any rate. The second thing is the discovery of blended drinks when the weather is quite warm, the need for margaritas, daiquiris, Pina Colodas and other blended drinks and the all importance of an ice cold brew-ski. 
The third thing that comes to mind to me lately seems the most important. Perhaps it's because  made my special iced tea which I make every summer this afternoon. Did I also mention I put a crap load of honey in it, so I'm basically high off sugar every time I en jest my magical iced tea. But before my sidetrack my last thought was the idea of clothing. When I was visiting my mom's family in San Diego last month my Aunt told me about a guy who was arrested for running around naked, and publicly pleasuring himself.  Why can't we in our society run around naked especially during the summer months when it's insanely hot. The pleasuring oneself is completely fine for illegal activity. What is the big freaking deal with clothing? Are we as a society so afraid of our own bodies that because we're not model thin that we should bury ourselves away for propriety sake. It's not like seeing women or male naked isn't something we haven't seen before. In Europe nudity isn't that uncommon, little kids grow up seeing it. Are we as society so afraid of one's own potential sexuality that seeing other members of the human race naked is simply a bad thing? I feel that nudity is the human body we see representations of it in movies in textbooks, and the illusion of it, so why is it so bad to see a naked man or woman? I understand why rating in films are PG-13 or R because its relating to sex, which in my opinion is something very private and personal, but to see a naked person yeah it's not your attracted to them all the time, but I just don't understand what the big deal is.
You look in other cultures and you see naked women and naked men and its a part of their culture, why is nudity something wrong? As such I think we as Americans and even to an extent as Europeans fear our sexuality and don't embrace it. There just body parts. If I see a naked person for it's men, but not everyone sets me off, so therefore why is the need to cover up so great? I think we as a people should embrace what was given to us, and not have to hide it behind clothing, or be restricted because of one person's insecurities, and instead walk around naked. Incident exposure should not be illegal, but other acts should continue to be illegal.

JOBS???????

It's sad that major life changes can determine a great about yourself, and that is so true. Recently I've encountered and still suffer from it, the mystery surrounding graduating from college. When a person finishes one avenue of their lives which they had for so long, its not surprising that they would lose focus and some sense of identity, and even to a point of facing depression.  Like my current identity crisis changing so does my hair. I know its always changing, but this time it's growing out.  In a economy where jobs are few and far between. Since I've been home, I've sent out a great deal of resumes, and I plan on filling out applications with hope of getting anything. Five years ago, jobs that I applied for I would have guaranteed simply with a bachelors, but God only knows where I'll end up. At this point I'd take almost anything, including working fast food, but even at this point, I think those jobs are even hard to come across then they had previously. I hate to say it there are times lately, when I regret going to college, but not finishing it. A bachelors is a huge deal, and it was a great deal of work, and sacrifices, times when I would of rather played or gone out drinking or having fun with friends, instead I was working on homework or studying. The question remains was the effort and the work ultimately worth the sacrifices? At this point with the resumes and having only two interviews that did not offer a job I feel frustrated, and stuck in a ruit. The next phase of my plan requires money, and I need a job for that, which is not there. Hopefully I find one sometime soon, which I'm hoping for fingers crossed, I'd like to get start on my paralegal classes, and finish up those sometime in the near future, but in a new world it's hard to say where the money will come from and if they'll be any. So I hope any of my fellow graduates that are coming up are aware of how challenging the economy and jobs are, and don't underestimate it. 

Undergrad complete!!!

So I did it. I finished College, and was awarded my degree this passing week. It feels strange in a way being finished. It's only been three weeks, but I've gone through a million different feelings, I was in shock at first, not quite sure that I'd actually accomplished this task that I began six years ago, to depressed that I was finished. Yes I admit that I got depressed, and strangely I'm not the only person whose felt that way before, particularly after finishing Undergraduate work. Now for once I'm actually at a normal place in my head for once, I'm actually quite proud of myself, still can't believe that I have a Bachelor's of Arts in History. The icing on the cake will come in two months for the actual ceremony in June where for the sake of celebration I'll be clad in crimson, and walking in the heat, and to make matters even more interesting I'm more then likely going to wear a dress. Oh my God I'm turning feminine. 
As I turn my head to my pending graduation and the arrival of my diploma, I think back to the person I was when I began this journey. I was an overweight angry eighteen year old who knew nothing about being happy, I did not know myself. I knew nothing about the world, well I thought I knew everything, but as the years came and went and I passed through higher and higher levels of education, I found myself becoming someone else, different then what I had begun to be.  Now I do realize that sure the same person I started out is there somewhat, but the lack of confidence, humility, and angry no longer seem important. Scars and wounds are healing to somewhat. I look back at everything I've learned in six years and I look at it now and realize its all lead me to me where I am. 
As to what my pending plans are I have a rough idea, and hopefully I'll be heading back to school in the Fall for my paralegal training certification. More then likely this won't be my long term plan, but it's a means to an end for the time being, and the rest is pretty standard, and in time getting out on my own, and having my license. I feel like having a bachelor's under my belt, I can do almost anything now. With the cap and gown ordered and the announcements on their way this marks that I have accomplished so much. I just wish I could of told this to my eight year old self, and believed in that a long time ago. 

Farwell 2011

So with 2011 coming to a close and the new year impending, I'm compelled to step back and take a look at the year that's come and gone. I see the changes not only in myself with regards to growing up, but I see it in others as well. This year I've found things out about people that I didn't know before, friends moving to other states, the knowledge that my college graduation is only a matter of months away. I find 2011 may have been a challenging year, but through it all I found that I grew and changed. To say that I've figured out all of life would be incorrect, that is something I'm still working on. I still have absolutely no idea where my journey is, but I look forward to it. I've made discoveries when it comes to healing of the heart, mind and body, and as a result of these, many things have improved unlike they ever have before.  I've even started working with museums, writing papers, looking into a career break before I go back for Postbacs and graduate school. I've learned mistakes like probably wearing glasses if you own them, you have them for a reason.Hair is just hair, and bad hairstyles and all it will grow back. As a result of the changes that I encountered this year, I decided to make some changes of my own for the time being, but you'll all have to wait awhile to see exactly what I've done. It's quite different, and I'm learning exactly how to do it. 2012 I hope to accomplish and continue growing and exploring in new ways. So my friends as the color changes, I hope you all have had the best of years and the best of the holidays, and I will probably blog sometime in the future about things. So much is changing right now and I feel completed to present it.

Is the Cost of Beauty too high and what makes beauty?

Recently my friend Donna presented a link on you tube for a music video by Selena Gomez, "Who says".  The lyrics begin,
who saysI
wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
You made me insecure
Told me I wasn’t good enough
But who are you to judge
When you’re a diamond in the rough
I’m sure you got some things
You’d like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn’t want to be anybody else
I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me
You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon
Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful
Who says
It’s such a funny thing
How nothing’s funny when it’s you
You tell ‘em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth
It’s like a work of art
That never gets to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won’t let you touch the sky
I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me
You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon
Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful
Who says
Who says you’re not start potential
Who says you’re not presidential
Who says you can’t be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don’t pass the test
Who says you can’t be the best
Who said, who said
Won’t you tell me who said that
Yeah, oh
Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful

The song ends on the note of complete empowerment for whomever is listening. I've always become aware of what people think is beautiful which is correct and realistic and the out aspect which is hazardous. I know myself that I struggle with self image and how there's the fact that I'm not a size zero, the fact that I am bigger then most, and the struggle that comes along with that, and my skin is always covered in acne in some form, or the fact that I wear glasses. Is beauty really something recently concocted by the fashion industry in order to gain more of a profit margin? Of course all young people try and be trendy to fit in, and feel like they belong, but I wonder if the cost of beauty is really too high. If you look at the rates of eating disorders, they're skyrocketing not just in girls but also boys, and they're longer and longer. I watched a documentary about an eight year old girl who was anorexic. An eight year old!! I also feel that as a society we're doomed, we live in a culture where the rate of obesity increases with every generation. So with the need to be thin even more important than ever to fit in and the rate of obesity going up, what is a child to do? They're doomed no matter what they do, in the ability to fit in.  I also believe that part of this problem is because of the media, making children grow up quicker then they should, childhood should be spent playing not figuring out how to find out if a guy likes you. I remember when I was little, I painted my finger nails because I thought it was pretty, and I liked the color, not to be more of a grown up. But then again I wonder if the people these little girls are modeling themselves on are actually beautiful. Our society is taught to view the tall, tan, toned woman with the blond hair to be the most beautiful, when historically pale skin and dark hair was considered a true testament of beauty. Is beauty become something that can be faked instead of something that naturally there?  And in that matter why does beauty even have to exist in the physical sense, everyone has something about themselves that they don't quite like, doesn't mean they're not beautiful, and who says that the person isn't beautiful. Beauty what most people consider is only skin deep, true beauty lies within someone's soul. True beauty is the inside of what makes the person live and tick, like if they're a giving person, qualities that make a good person are what truly makes a beautiful person, and in a world where those things are diapering, the need to see that beauty becomes increasingly important and makes it more valuable. I've seen someone of the most beautiful women physically, but inside they're shallow and vain, and lacking personality. And those who are ugly and unremarkable are truly magnificent people. And there are some beautiful people who really are beautiful inside and out, and there are ugly s who are truly ugly. When I die I'd like to hope that I was remembered for the good things I did  that made me beautiful, and not my physical appearance that the media determined pretty.