It's a eve of the day of my birth, which yes if any of you remember yes tomorrow is the ides of March, the day that Caesar was brutally murdered. I used to find that funny, because I am unpredictable in a sense, but now frankly I can't stand, it's only funny the first a hundred times, someone comes up with it, much like the idea of my last name can actually be turned into a word. Everyone thinks it's so cleaver and funny, in all reality it's been over done.
Every year when my birthday comes, I stop and look back at a year's progress of where I was a year ago, and hope that I've made good choices, and the rights ones, and grown along the way, and I have for the most part. There however is one piece missing or a huge urge that can't seem to be fulfilled, and it makes it all the more important that I work towards it. I will be honest, and not to be blunt, and intentionally hurtful, but there really is very little holding me to staying in Washington. To be honest there are very few people that I consider worth staying around for, and you might be surprised. I think the concept of friendship is lost on many after college or even in our adult years, a sense of loyalty, and effort seems to lacking with many. All I know is with the past month, I have not found much support, or friendship or effort made from supposed friends up here, I often times I have found intolerance, or feelings falling on death ears, which only strengthens my need to move on.
I dream of being in a place, where it isn't nearly impossible to find a job, or a place to fit in, and where people are friendly, and warm, actually try and keep a friendship alive, out of love, and not convenience. I keep asking myself, and most of you should ask this to yourself s, other than those who have an insane amount going on in their lives, and with little time for pleasure, how I speak more with that person, and someone who works full time, has a child, and lives on the other side of the country with a three hour time difference, then I do with most local Washingtonians? Or if the tables were turned and I was swamped, I'd always manage to make the effort, or realize my own actions and how they affect people? I can't be the only one in this world, out there, but I don't think people are generally like that in Washington. So thus leads into my need for my as I call it Poetic wanderlust, and I need to find people out there where I truly feel at home. A move is a start to another part of the state, and ulimtately somewhere else in the county.
