Hey Guys,
Sorry it's been so long since I blogged a good couple of months. I think the last time I blogged was back in December, but I can't remember. Before February is a fog, but it is true with actual legitimate reasons. Our former apartment in Edmonds had black toxic mold that was hidden under the carpet and in the walls or so we suspect. It was strange how different we both were acting, so unlike ourselves, but once we would leave the apartment things would become like they had been before. That place is just bad, there was a neighbor lady who lived upstairs, who was too involved and felt like stranger danger, and Matt and her became friends, and she almost broke us up. That apartment complex has bad Juju and things were always happening there, strange things. It never felt right, it was full of anger and sadness. Those strange things never seem to happen here, I mean there are weird things, like an ipod turning on at 6 in the morning, but other than that, really nothing.
The mold at the other apartment made both of us irrational, illogical, tired, unreasonable, and a bunch of other things that near tore us apart over something that was chemical kind of crazy. We tired the best we could to keep the mold at bay, but it was insanely difficult since it was hiding, and at this point we'd already made plans to leave. In December we found another apartment that we actually liked, and couldn't wait until February to get the keys and move in. The last two months drifted by slowly, and then before we knew it we were leaving the other apartment. Granted we did have to leave the couch behind, it was kind of ok, because we're both getting our health back, Matt seems to get it back quicker than I did, but I think he's a little harder then I am, but we're getting there.
So the wedding's still on, for July of next year, still have no idea where at this point other then it's going to be in the United States and probably in Washington, I did find the dress, and I'm getting an idea for the rest.
But I guess what makes me pause lately is I've been recieving contacts from people from my past, and I get the impression that they are only contacting me with the need for a hook up or because their own lives are lacking, these would be former people I have dated, and granted they have claimed not to be that way, it's the only thing that makes sense. It makes me wonder is that how people see me as incapable of being engaged or being married? It's funny the other day when I went with my friend Allie to get Chinese food, I got a fournte cookie with the fountune, being you can't live in your past, but rather your future, and to live for it. That is so true, my future is Matt and being married. The only difference now is that I would be married and share my life with someone that's it. I would still have the same freedom as I always do. In fact Matt only advises against things, if they seem bad, or uncomfortable. Kids we still don't know I'd like to stop being so frail and get back my health like I did in college, and I'm getting there, or at least trying, baby steps.
I mean things with life and relationships are always hard, and I know with things that go on in my brain, I get overwhelmed, and being in my twenties I have no idea where the answers are and what they are, but I have found someone to take along for the journey anywhere except South Africa which apparently is too dangerous and too far. Ok... so no being apart of former apartheid, let's see if I can go for Ireland. Fingers crossed.
