It's funny, how at the time you think if this one instance doesn't happen, your life is over forever. I guess, I can say that a lot. When things haven't worked out with guys I've dated, to name a few mostly my North Carolina endeavors. Jeremy didn't work for a reason, granted I enjoyed him a great deal, may of even fallen in love with him, it's hard to say what it really was, since it was almost ten years ago. My attempt to ( and my college friends from Blue Ridge will nod their heads at this insanity, did I say I was sorry enough for that, and thank you for bearing with me.) romance Scott this weird dude from a Drama class, which oh my god what was I thinking, Nancy, Erin and Shannon I owe you guys something next time I'm in Hendersonville just for dealing with me. I also think of John the guy I dated on and off for a long time, even though I thought we were meant to be, things happened that showed the true meaning of fate, I only wish I had not been the receiver of so much of his hurt and pain over and over again, to the point where he hurt me so much that I can't even consider him a friend, chance after chance he still managed to hurt and disappoint even at the friendship level. I wish I could be that type of person, but he gave me nothing to work with.
Maybe I was stupid, maybe I wanted to believe something was there, that wasn't, it's hard to say. To be honest, if you'd asked me who I was going to end up with seven months away from getting married five years ago, I honestly would of believed it to be John. Funny though college made me grow up, and change, I learned to see the world differently, I learned that as long as I had friends and family who loved me that I didn't need a relationship unless it was something I really felt was right. Although I think he is now dating a former friend of mine, whom I had parted ways with, hmmm, yeah I win, I've moved on, more or less this is a reflection of my thoughts since no one really reads my blogs anymore. I guess I'm a bigone from the past.
Well I graduated from college, turns out along the way I'd fallen head over heels for the person I never thought I would, enter Matt Farncomb. I cannot begin to describe the ways he makes me feel or what he alone just by being himself does for me. I feel safe, loved, wanted, and the fuzzies never leave. I can fight with him about stupid things and believe me they're stupid, and in the end know that we're always good. I took his question of being his wife very seriously, and in the end, I know I've found the partner for the journey. He gets me, in ways that I cannot even begin to understand. Matt often says it's like when we met our souls were talking, like we'd known each other forever. I'm not sure if we had love at first sight, but there was something that neither one of us still understands. Our lives have passed each other numerous times through out our childhood, from Poulsbo, Vashon Island, Olympic College, Central Washington University, and ultimately the basement of our dorm. Matt made a last minute decision to change his dorms that year, and maybe that was fate saying ok, dude you're going to met the woman you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
So here we are about seven and a half months away from our wedding, and I am elated, excited and nervous as all get up to get to that day. A part of me thinks the day won't come even though, I know it will, it's hard to wait for something when you've been waiting for ever for it without knowing.
I welcome happiness to follow those relationships that did not work out, and I honestly hope that they get the things the deserve both good and bad. I have to say I'm fairly cretin most of those guys are leading happy lives, but then again they were upstanding. I can't say that if I ever came across Jeremy or Scott or some of the others I would be mean rather happy to see them, and be happy in my own life. with my future looming.
Also I think what goes around comes around, I just hope those get karma so they learn the lesson and don't hurt others along the way.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Thursday, July 31, 2014
B 12 and the lack there of it.
A month ago, I went in to see the doctor about anxiety preventing me from sleeping, and controlling my life in every single aspect you can think of. At this point, I had tried almost every naturalpathic alternative, simply because I don't believe that pharmacial solutions work for me. I've tried countless prescriptions since I was fourteen, and nothing ever works. I could list them all, but then I'd probably spell all of them wrong, and it's been such a long time since I've been on some of them. Let me see if I can remember some of them, there's been Depocote, Cexela, Gabapetin, Cylert, Cymbalta, Lamitical, and the most recent of Closopine, or something like that, and that's just off the top of my head.
Needless to say, because of the type of doctor I selected for this purpose is that she is centered on naturalpathic, and alternative forms of treatment. What started out as a belief that I didn't have enough Vitim D in my diet, which links to mood, turned out through lab work, that I don't absorb vitiam B12, which basically means that my body doesn't break down food at points to create energy for my body. I was reading somewhere that it's kind of like anemia, only instead of the lack of iron in the blood, a person doesn't get the energy compounds through food in their diet.
Truth is unlike Anemia, there is no trick and quick answer, I will probably have to take supplements or receive shots once a month for the rest of my life, but I'm finding that taking the b12 is actually giving me energy like I haven't had in a very long time, I can keep going, even when I think I can't. So let's just hope the supplements work, and when I go in for lab work next month, that I won't be required to take the shots, but I do need to have blood work every three months, boy, I guess if I have to be unique, I guess I'm going to be unique with my heath concerns.
But this sure beats anything else that could go wrong, and that would explain why for the longest time I was so foggy, and I'm slowly getting back to where I was before. Weird huh?
Anyways that's all for now, I'll write another blog sometime soon, things are happening and changing for me, and I look forward to it.
Needless to say, because of the type of doctor I selected for this purpose is that she is centered on naturalpathic, and alternative forms of treatment. What started out as a belief that I didn't have enough Vitim D in my diet, which links to mood, turned out through lab work, that I don't absorb vitiam B12, which basically means that my body doesn't break down food at points to create energy for my body. I was reading somewhere that it's kind of like anemia, only instead of the lack of iron in the blood, a person doesn't get the energy compounds through food in their diet.
Truth is unlike Anemia, there is no trick and quick answer, I will probably have to take supplements or receive shots once a month for the rest of my life, but I'm finding that taking the b12 is actually giving me energy like I haven't had in a very long time, I can keep going, even when I think I can't. So let's just hope the supplements work, and when I go in for lab work next month, that I won't be required to take the shots, but I do need to have blood work every three months, boy, I guess if I have to be unique, I guess I'm going to be unique with my heath concerns.
But this sure beats anything else that could go wrong, and that would explain why for the longest time I was so foggy, and I'm slowly getting back to where I was before. Weird huh?
Anyways that's all for now, I'll write another blog sometime soon, things are happening and changing for me, and I look forward to it.
Monday, March 24, 2014
I had toxic mold and lived through it.
Hey Guys,
Sorry it's been so long since I blogged a good couple of months. I think the last time I blogged was back in December, but I can't remember. Before February is a fog, but it is true with actual legitimate reasons. Our former apartment in Edmonds had black toxic mold that was hidden under the carpet and in the walls or so we suspect. It was strange how different we both were acting, so unlike ourselves, but once we would leave the apartment things would become like they had been before. That place is just bad, there was a neighbor lady who lived upstairs, who was too involved and felt like stranger danger, and Matt and her became friends, and she almost broke us up. That apartment complex has bad Juju and things were always happening there, strange things. It never felt right, it was full of anger and sadness. Those strange things never seem to happen here, I mean there are weird things, like an ipod turning on at 6 in the morning, but other than that, really nothing.
The mold at the other apartment made both of us irrational, illogical, tired, unreasonable, and a bunch of other things that near tore us apart over something that was chemical kind of crazy. We tired the best we could to keep the mold at bay, but it was insanely difficult since it was hiding, and at this point we'd already made plans to leave. In December we found another apartment that we actually liked, and couldn't wait until February to get the keys and move in. The last two months drifted by slowly, and then before we knew it we were leaving the other apartment. Granted we did have to leave the couch behind, it was kind of ok, because we're both getting our health back, Matt seems to get it back quicker than I did, but I think he's a little harder then I am, but we're getting there.
So the wedding's still on, for July of next year, still have no idea where at this point other then it's going to be in the United States and probably in Washington, I did find the dress, and I'm getting an idea for the rest.
But I guess what makes me pause lately is I've been recieving contacts from people from my past, and I get the impression that they are only contacting me with the need for a hook up or because their own lives are lacking, these would be former people I have dated, and granted they have claimed not to be that way, it's the only thing that makes sense. It makes me wonder is that how people see me as incapable of being engaged or being married? It's funny the other day when I went with my friend Allie to get Chinese food, I got a fournte cookie with the fountune, being you can't live in your past, but rather your future, and to live for it. That is so true, my future is Matt and being married. The only difference now is that I would be married and share my life with someone that's it. I would still have the same freedom as I always do. In fact Matt only advises against things, if they seem bad, or uncomfortable. Kids we still don't know I'd like to stop being so frail and get back my health like I did in college, and I'm getting there, or at least trying, baby steps.
I mean things with life and relationships are always hard, and I know with things that go on in my brain, I get overwhelmed, and being in my twenties I have no idea where the answers are and what they are, but I have found someone to take along for the journey anywhere except South Africa which apparently is too dangerous and too far. Ok... so no being apart of former apartheid, let's see if I can go for Ireland. Fingers crossed.
Sorry it's been so long since I blogged a good couple of months. I think the last time I blogged was back in December, but I can't remember. Before February is a fog, but it is true with actual legitimate reasons. Our former apartment in Edmonds had black toxic mold that was hidden under the carpet and in the walls or so we suspect. It was strange how different we both were acting, so unlike ourselves, but once we would leave the apartment things would become like they had been before. That place is just bad, there was a neighbor lady who lived upstairs, who was too involved and felt like stranger danger, and Matt and her became friends, and she almost broke us up. That apartment complex has bad Juju and things were always happening there, strange things. It never felt right, it was full of anger and sadness. Those strange things never seem to happen here, I mean there are weird things, like an ipod turning on at 6 in the morning, but other than that, really nothing.
The mold at the other apartment made both of us irrational, illogical, tired, unreasonable, and a bunch of other things that near tore us apart over something that was chemical kind of crazy. We tired the best we could to keep the mold at bay, but it was insanely difficult since it was hiding, and at this point we'd already made plans to leave. In December we found another apartment that we actually liked, and couldn't wait until February to get the keys and move in. The last two months drifted by slowly, and then before we knew it we were leaving the other apartment. Granted we did have to leave the couch behind, it was kind of ok, because we're both getting our health back, Matt seems to get it back quicker than I did, but I think he's a little harder then I am, but we're getting there.
So the wedding's still on, for July of next year, still have no idea where at this point other then it's going to be in the United States and probably in Washington, I did find the dress, and I'm getting an idea for the rest.
But I guess what makes me pause lately is I've been recieving contacts from people from my past, and I get the impression that they are only contacting me with the need for a hook up or because their own lives are lacking, these would be former people I have dated, and granted they have claimed not to be that way, it's the only thing that makes sense. It makes me wonder is that how people see me as incapable of being engaged or being married? It's funny the other day when I went with my friend Allie to get Chinese food, I got a fournte cookie with the fountune, being you can't live in your past, but rather your future, and to live for it. That is so true, my future is Matt and being married. The only difference now is that I would be married and share my life with someone that's it. I would still have the same freedom as I always do. In fact Matt only advises against things, if they seem bad, or uncomfortable. Kids we still don't know I'd like to stop being so frail and get back my health like I did in college, and I'm getting there, or at least trying, baby steps.
I mean things with life and relationships are always hard, and I know with things that go on in my brain, I get overwhelmed, and being in my twenties I have no idea where the answers are and what they are, but I have found someone to take along for the journey anywhere except South Africa which apparently is too dangerous and too far. Ok... so no being apart of former apartheid, let's see if I can go for Ireland. Fingers crossed.
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